Dear God

Im writing this because i don't have the strength it takes to talk with you verbally. I get too easily distracted. They say that everyone has their own way of talking to you. Hopefully this will be mine. i am not entirely sure why i chose to write in a blog and not just a word document. Maybe its because im afraid of the words being lost with time, as you and i both know i have never been consistent enough. Maybe its becuase i secretly hope that there are others like me. Trying very hard to serve you the right way but failing miserably. You know that i have always seem you as the almighty and never and less. You have the power to do all, i dont doubt this. But since I haven't been praying like i need to or reading your words like i need to i guess i just doubt that you would use that power for me. i decided that everytime i feel the nee to talk to you instead of saying a couple of words in my mind and getting distracted by my emotions that i will just write it here. First times first, this marriage is clearly on the rocks. He so dishonest and deceitful. i know that he tries his hardest to do things for me but that isnt enough. Why can he try just as hard not to lie to me, im so sick and tired or all the secrets and the deleted web pages and the blatant lies. i know that alot of the times i take my anger out on him. i know that you said to love like you love...no less. And that is hard for me.... so hard. he frustrates the living daylights out of me. i swear hes a walking idiot sometimes. But i guess if he can stand being verbally abused all the time i can stand him being a perpetual liar. I know that its not suppose to be this way is it. when does this crap end when does the happy marriage start. i know that neither one of us will get to it if we dont come closer to you. But you are so far away already. I dont know how to get there. I know you hear all prays and you see what im unable to say. Please hear my cries, i need you and im stuck. save me.